This morning I jokingly said to one of my PCAs, “don’t worry about holding up my towel, just worry about protecting my face.” So, of course, this leads the conversation to scars. Then she asked me for some reason if I had ever written about my tattoos?
As I got dressed and my brain woke up, with each sip of coffee, what we had talked about started to sink in. Yes, I have some of both, but I have learned that my emotional scars far surpass both categories. Tattoos in reflection are chosen scars. The five tattoos are images representing things in my life that I am very open about, and I am ready for the world to know and ask questions.
Scars are visible evidence of just some injury and pain I have gone through. People, such as doctors, have said I am very lucky I do not scar easy, and I tend to heal well. For that fact I am thankful, maybe I am vain, looks are important to me as far as I do not want to be scary to look at.
It is interesting that the same image can look so different to so many people. This phenomenon must be much more common or obvious in the world of visual art. I get asked quite frequently, “how I stay so positive.” I think to myself if smiling and keep, keeping on, is remaining positive, I got this. There are days, when the person looking back at me in the mirror has a deflated, broken heart tattooed on their face. and then the tears start pouring down my face, sometimes I think they will never stop. Then, one of my sons walk in from school, or someone will say I taught them to look at life a little differently. My tears stop flowing and I know what I have been through/ what I am doing matters. My sons are my beautiful reflection.
I think I view myself as determined, rather then positive. I am not going to just sit here and allow someone to have the same experiances as I have had and not advicate for improvement.