I have two biological sons, even though I seem to have a fondness for“lost children”.
Meaning I want to “adopt/save” everyone, that I deem needing in
some way; whether they’re dealing or have dealt with various types of abuse or
neglect. Not because I think I am better or smarter. I do seem to have this unlimited
amount of love and know from personal experience that with love, trust and safety
people bloom and grow in ways no one thought possible. I have this never-ending
desire to let people into that world I have tried to create for my own boys.
My older son is sixteen. I gave birth to him at 19 yrs. As he gets closer to graduating high
school; I find myself riding an emotional roller-coaster. Regret, sadness, fear, but most
of all pride are feelings that are continually throwing me for loops. I can’t believe that
sixteen years ago, I held this tiny boy in my young arms, with only undying love as the
foundation of my parenting. The man he is becoming makes me proud daily. I could
brag endlessly about him, but really there is no need. He is a unique combination of both
his parent. Whom both were just mere children at the time of his birth.
I had my second son 12 1/2 years later when I was 32yrs. old. So, he is now 3yrs. This
fall he is starting preschool. Wow, I remember, when I was pregnant the first time,
everyone one said, make sure you cherish every moment it goes so fast. At the time the
days if you are a stay at home mom like me, feel like they drag on never-ending; but yet
at the same time all the sudden your doing homework with your baby.
I think it took me over a decade to feel like I had matured enough to be a mother again.
I now think perhaps it took my mind as well as my body, that long, to forget every part
of becoming a new mother. Perhaps for example, except for the cute cuddly baby and
their very cute tiny clothes.
Much to my surprise, each child is very different. The behaviors and age-appropriate
stages do tend to remind me of “the old days” but my two sons are very different. Not
only did I have my sons at very different ages as a woman, but almost every other aspect
of my life was also different. I guess one could say I have been a mother in two very
The first time around I was an unwed, teenage mother, who was staring down the black
hole of never-ending disability. I was so frightened and needed to somehow create a safe
and stable home and life for my much wanted son and myself. This path was certainly
not without bumps in the road (some might even say some sizable boulders). One only
needs to meet my son to have proof of this success.
With my second son, our circumstances are very different. I am now in my thirties,
married, and a wheelchair user. We own our own home and do have that sought after
stability. I no longer drive either, which I did when my first son was that age. Not driving
creates its own set of challenges.
Although, my circumstances are in some ways as different as they can be there are parts
of me that remain the same as a mother. Hopefully, there are still other aspects of me
that continue to develop daily.
So I am sure people find the details of how I function within my busy family as a
productive mother and wife interesting, as well as motivational. Honestly, it is a very
difficult feat. I quite often have to take some time alone, which if you know the foot
traffic in my house at all you know there are very few minutes a week that I am truly
alone. I also am developing hobbies for myself that fit within my personal lifestyle.
I am very thankful for my ever growing and changing, support system. People, who
are active in my life, are continually learning, about myself, family and how they
function. Hopefully, through the use of my blog, I will be able to shed some light on the
daily obstacles and triumphs my family faces.